


Home

by Baopls



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, B), Depression, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, fluff?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2015-08-05
Packaged: 2018-04-12 01:21:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4459784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baopls/pseuds/Baopls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>they say that home is where the heart is but for him home has only ever been the cause of his sorrow, the reason for his tears, and the roots of his troubles. "Yamaguchi Tadashi dreams of escape, and his only wish was to be happy." Because although he appeared that way, on the inside, he was slowly dying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This isn't Home

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! After shamelessly "advertising" this fic on Tsukkiyamaforthesoul for so long, I'm finally posting it. Please note that a lot of the content in this fic is based on my own experiences. I do hope you all enjoy it.

Yamaguchi Tadashi was the type of guy who always seemed to be happy; no one would ever think that he may just have problems of his own-- and perhaps it was hard to see through him because, surprisingly enough, even his best friend was blind to his reality.

 

When school and practice ended was when Yamaguchi was at his worst. Because the first thing he hears when he walks in his tiny apartment isn't the sound of his mother or father saying, "Welcome home son;” the first thing he hears when he walks through the door is "Let's just get a fucking divorce then, you alcoholic freak.” He hears those words and they're coming from his mother's mouth; he also hears the sound of his father slamming his beer bottle onto the table, as she shows him the latest statement from the bank.

 

So he drags himself into his small, dark little room, and he plops himself onto his bed.

 

Sometimes, he'll cry. Yamaguchi will cry his eyes out and scream and pull at his hair, asking why this is happening to him.

 

On other days you can hear him mutter quietly to himself, "This isn't fucking home. This is where I go because I don't have a place to belong."

 

Often, you'll hear music coming from his room. It's not sad music. It's peaceful music, soft music, happy, feel-good music. Because Yamaguchi Tadashi dreams of escape, and his only wish was to be happy.

 

"Turn off the damn music, Tadashi!" His father was now shouting at him from the kitchen in his drunken state.

 

He didn’t respond, and didn’t turn off the music. Instead, he made it louder so that it drowned out the sound of his father's voice.

 

Truth be told, his dad isn't a bad guy, he used to be caring and warm and loving (Just like how he also used to be sober). But these days, it's like the old man can't put down his alcohol for even a second.

 

And his mom… his mom has become less of an angel by the day. She used to be bright and cheerful and she used to be his number one fan-- now she doesn't give a shit about his hopes and dreams. She tells him to stop crying, tells him that they've done nothing wrong to him. The woman's grown selfish. That’s what Yamaguchi concluded because it seems his tears are unnecessary to her, but when she cries, when she sits there and complains about her family, her life, and blames people for ruining it, when it seems the whole world has done wrong to her, she expects him to comfort her. And though he doesn’t want to, he'll still do it; he'll hug her, and tell her to not cry, tell her he loves her, and be on her side. But at times he questions if his actions are sincere, as the warmth he felt as a child slowly became ice cold when he hugged her.

 

So as he laid there on his bed, staring at the window, at the evening light that was shining in on him, Yamaguchi waited for it to all die down: his parents voices, that were shouting back and forth at each other, the sounds of things being broken in the kitchen, mainly the beer bottles that were being thrown on the ground. When it all disappeared, all that was left was the sound of music, and the summer breeze whistling outside his window. Yamaguchi finally shut his eyes, and in his sleep he hoped that tomorrow would be different, but inside he knew that even if tomorrow was a better day, the day after that would grow dark once again.

 

 

The next morning he woke up to the sound of his alarm ringing repeatedly on his wooden bedside table. He let out a groan and slammed his hand on the snooze button. But not so long after, it started to go off again, and this time Yamaguchi finally got up.

 

He made his way to the bathroom that was right across from his room and washed up before slipping into his school uniform. Yamaguchi skipped breakfast, knowing he'd be late otherwise. The brunet only grabs his bag and rushes out the door.

 

Luckily, he made it in time and waved at Tsukishima, who had been waiting for him at the same spot that they meet at each day.

 

"Be earlier next time. If not, I'll leave you," The taller boy said.

 

"Sorry, Tsukki.” He says, though truly he wanted to tell him the events of the night before, how hard it was for him to close his eyes, and the fact that he hadn’t wanted to go to school in the morning either.

 

Tsukishima only pulled his headphones over his ears and proceeded to walk towards school. Yamaguchi looks at him, and examined the tiny little details about his friend.

 

He had a blank, emotionless face as he listens to his music, and walks with a perfect posture, his hands tucked safely in his pockets.

 

Yamaguchi noticed that this is the way Tsukishima has always walked, even as they were children, since the day they first met. He lets out a small smile, and continues to follow after the his friend.

 

 

The two of them were both in college preparatory classes, that being classes 4-5. In their case, they were in class 4.

 

While Tsukishima had a strong presence in class, with guys trying to talk to him and girls getting excited as he walks in, Yamaguchi wasn’t sure anybody recognizes that he was even in this class.

 

He headed to his seat towards the middle and waited for the teacher. It was sunny today, and the whole class was quite rowdy as well but Yamaguchi could only stay quiet, he stared out the window at the clear blue skies and the birds dancing in the air, along with the leaves that were swaying back and forth with the gentle breeze. He smiled, as it was a change from his tiny, dark room.

 

Soon the teacher entered the classroom and began the lesson. However, Yamaguchi finds it hard to focus, he was distracted by his own thoughts. He figured he'd copy Tsukishima's notes later. The brunet looks around the room and gets a good look at it: tables that were lined neatly in their respective rows, windows on the right side, or left, they could actually just be in front of you, or maybe even behind you. It depended on which way you were standing. The class was like any other, but to him, it was a place where he could be safe.

 

He turned around to steal a glance at his friend who had a seat right next to the window, one row behind his. As he looked at him, he notices how perfect this person is. From head to toe, Tsukishima Kei was an ideal human being. And he realizes that he, too, had always wanted to be Tsukishima, or rather, have a life as golden as his. But, of course, that would never be possible.

 

Yamaguchi figured he shouldn't stare too long. But his eyes were glued on this person, part of him was full of admiration, the other was possibly envy.

 

"Excuse me, Yamaguchi-san. Please keep your eyes this way," the teacher said, earning a bit of laughter from the rest of the class.

 

Yamaguchi turns back, embarrassed but more worried that someone caught him staring at his best friend.

 

For the entire rest of the class he could only stare down at his notebook, which was empty because he of course hadn't been taking any notes. Rather than actually doing so, he continued to do nothing, only occasionally doodling on the blank page and then scribbling over them.

 

Although it seemed like the first class had lasted for hours, it soon ended and Yamaguchi had a moment to calm down. But he was also excited for the next class, which was his favorite subject; science.

 

\---------

After science class there were two more classes until lunch. Math, and P.E. He wasn't looking forward to math, but actually quite enjoyed P.E. Mainly because it didn't require much thinking.

 

As Yamaguchi stepped onto the field to run laps, Tsukishima also ran beside him. At first it was quiet but they eventually started up a conversation about school, summer plans, and whatever was on the other's mind. It went on until they reached their sixth lap, but it didn't take too long since both of them were relatively fast runners.

 

When it was time for lunch, Yamaguchi headed for Tsukishima's desk with his chair and set it down. However, he came empty handed, having forgotten to prepare his own lunch. With all the stuff that had happened the night before, sleep was priority.

 

Tsukishima opened up his bento box and grabbed for his chopsticks. Just the smell of it made Yamaguchi salivate. To him, his friend's mother had the cooking skill of a professional chef. Tsukishima tells him he's overreacting, and maybe he is, but he himself wasn't the best cook and that was the food he had to eat everyday.

 

"Where's your lunch?" Tsukishima asked.

 

"Ah… I forgot it," he replied.

 

Tsukishima sighed. "Have some of mine then."

 

Yamaguchi thanked him but didn't actually eat very much. The taller boy didn't seem to question it either.

 

After they both finished eating the two sat around and talked or listened to music for a while, occasionally other students came up to talk to them as well. It was mainly to Tsukishima but he seemed to only be interested in his music and the view outside the window.

 

Yamaguchi didn't know how it felt to be bothered by other people, but it must've been pretty annoying. Though, other people didn't know why Tsukishima hung out with someone like him either, he'd been confronted for bothering Tsukishima before so maybe they were even.

 

The thing about Tsukishima is he hates it when people do things like that, maybe he wasn't exactly sticking up for Yamaguchi but he spoke up and eventually the confrontations all stopped.

 

 

Soon lunch was over and there were two more classes until school was also done for the day. Though it may be good news for other students, for Yamaguchi it only meant he had to go home and be in the same house as his parents, and be all alone in his room.

 

The both of them walked to the gym to get ready for volleyball practice, and practice had always been the best part of Yamaguchi's day. He got to be around friends and do something he enjoyed. If only it could be little longer.

 

However today he wasn't as progressive as he had hoped. Especially with his serves; they just seemed a bit off. Daichi had asked him if everything was okay, and he said yes naturally, not wanting to worry the captain.

 

Yachi also brought up the same question as she had handed him his towel, and he gave her the same response, though she still seemed uncertain.

 

Soon enough practice was over, and they were all cleaning up. After changing out of his gym clothes, Yamaguchi said his goodbyes to the team and left with Tsukishima.

 

 

The two didn't speak as much as usual as they were walking home. Especially Yamaguchi, who always seemed to have something to say. There were no plans to do anything either. So they said goodbye and went their separate ways.

 

Yamaguchi hated walking home himself almost as much as being home, because his house wasn't that far away, and he might have to walk in on another one of those situations-- or worse.

 

Fortunately for him, his dad went to sleep early today, and his mom was at work. This meant that they possibly wouldn't fight when she got home, and maybe the night would pass by quietly. Although, he had to hope that she doesn't start anything with him either-- that happens more often nowadays. In fact, last week he got into a dispute with his mother when they were out grocery shopping. Luckily, his mother always worked late it was only on special occasions that she could be found at home earlier. So it gave him a chance to get things done and get to sleep quickly. Possibly, if he played his cards right, the night would pass by smoothly.


	2. Phone Number

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima only pulled on his headphones and walked off, leaving Yamaguchi there, alone once again, and the boy could only watch as his friend walked away, just like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not my best but I got it done!

Today was a Saturday, which meant it was a short day at school. As Yamaguchi got up, he played a light song, and put it on replay to aid him as he got ready. "Ship and the Globe" by Kae Sun.

 

The brunette washed up first in his tiny bathroom. First he went for a shower, smiling as the warm water washed over him, and as the song played in the background, giving off a feel-good vibe.

 

      _"Oceans apart and it's heavy on my heart, Roll and row but my rolling game too slow..._

_I'm happy you know"_

 

He hummed to the song as he showered, brushing his teeth as well because it's just that much more convenient to do in the shower.

 

As Yamaguchi got out and wrapped the towel around his body, he danced to the song, and made his way to the bedroom.

 

      _"I'm spending my time watching the ship and the globe_

_Why beauty's in the simple things_   
_Your sweetness and your elegance..._   
_I'm happy you know"_

 

Yamaguchi reached for his uniform, then slipped into it. He was feeling good this morning, and that was a real damn change.

 

        _"Oceans apart and I'm sailing on my dreams, Roll and row but my rolling game too wild..._

_I'm lost in your smile"_

 

He fixed his hair a bit, then made his way to the kitchen, the song still playing in the background as he poured himself some milk and went back into his room.

 

_"I'm spending my time watching the ship and the globe, Why beauty's in the simple things_

_Your sweetness and your elegance..._

_I'm happy you know"_

 

After downing his milk he set the glass on his dresser, then grabbed his bag and walked out the door, along with his lunch for the day. Before leaving, Yamaguchi remembered to lock the front door, then finally began to walk off.

 

* * *

 

        

 It was only 7:18, so there was time to meet up with Tsukishima. In fact, he was extra early this morning. As he made his way to the spot where he usually met his blonde friend each day, Yamaguchi had time to think about a lot of things. Since it was a Saturday, maybe the two could go somewhere after practice. Being with Tsukki always made Yamaguchi feel much better than being around his parents. When they were alone they talked more. They did things like play video games and watch documentaries and movies. It was a nice few hours of peace for Yamaguchi.

 

In all honesty he probably saw Tsukishima as more than a friend, but he'd never tell him. Those thoughts should be kept inside, because they could ruin any happiness he had to begin with.

 

Before he knew it he'd arrived at the spot and as expected, Tsukishima wasn't there yet. Yamaguchi smiled and stood there silently to wait for him. It was a nice day, the weather was almost exactly like the day before, the only difference being that it was extra sunny and the skies seemed to be even brighter than yesterday. He felt the hot air against his skin as he stood there, and he heard the birds singing in the background, wooden gates that slightly moved, making that creaky sound. They were all the sounds of summer, playing quietly amongst the utter silence of this neighborhood. And for a moment, all of his troubles seemed to wash away on their own.

 

It didn't take long for Tsukishima to get there, he arrived just on time and Yamaguchi greeted him cheerfully.

 

      "You're earlier today," said the taller boy.

 

      "I got a lot more sleep," Yamaguchi replied, smiling brightly at him.

 

      "That's good," Tsukishima said, yet again pulling on his headphones, then returning both hands into his pockets.

 

       "You wanna go somewhere after school, Tsukki?" He asked, looking up at his friend.

 

       "Can't. I'm busy today," Tsukishima responded.

 

       "Oh, okay then, Tsukki," he said, a bit disappointed.

 

Tsukishima glanced at him out of the corner of his eye and noticed that his friend had obviously been looking forward to it. "I’m free tomorrow, come to my house in the morning."

 

Yamaguchi looked at him for a moment, grateful for Tsukishima’s consideration.

 

         “You sure?” He asked, then took a few steps to catch up with his friend.

 

         “Yeah,” Tsukishima answered as he pulled out his mp3 player to change the song. His fingers continuously clicked the “next” button until he was satisfied with the song that came on.

 

          “Alright Tsukki!” Yamaguchi Chimed.

       

As they were walking to school, Yamaguchi talked a lot more than yesterday. Tsukishima only replied when he felt like it, although it appeared to others that he was annoyed, the boy didn’t really mind Yamaguchi’s endless rambling. This was one of the many properties of their friendship, ever since they were kids Yamaguchi would talk, and Tsukishima would listen, never interrupting him, and not once telling him to shut up. Well, unless Yamaguchi was bragging about him. Tsukishima was sensitive to that type of thing.

 

        "How come I haven't been to your house in a while?" He asked out of the blue.

 

Yamaguchi frowned, and looked down at sidewalk for a moment, "Um...I guess there's nothing to do there? And it's small, too."

 

Tsukishima had only been there a couple times when they were children, back when Yamaguchi's family was happier, when his dad wasn't an alcoholic.

 

      Back then both of their families were good friends too, his mom was healthy and seemed to be overflowing with radiance, along with his dad. He used to play with them, he used to be happy just like his mother, and so was Yamaguchi. But something happened, Yamaguchi didn't know what at the time but as he grew up he began to understand. His father-- he'd developed a crippling depression, and that affected a lot of things. He began to drink heavily, and eventually lost his job as well. His family then had money problems, and was soon in debt. His mom worked seven days a week trying to make money and pay off the debts, and his dad at the time blew most of that on lottery tickets and beer, so his mother started to take it out on him. His father did find a construction job and it seemed like his family situation was getting better but his dad would still drink and drink until he fell asleep. So basically, it all fell through, and Yamaguchi was left to suffer alone. No, he didn’t blame them for it. Even when they began to take it out on him, to yell at him and criticize him. He just couldn't hate them with all his heart. More than anything, Yamaguchi wanted to help them. But both his parents pretended that everything was fine, and that money would solve all their problems. Unfortunately, sometimes money can’t solve the heavier pains in our hearts.

 

* * *

 

    

Soon enough they arrived at school, and as they strolled through the halls Yamaguchi was still thinking about Tsukishima's question. He tried to think about other things-- happier things. And so he decided to put it on the side, once again heading for class four and taking his seat. As he waited for the teacher this time, he listened to some music on his mp3. It was full of happy songs, or relaxing music. Here and there were some sad ones but not many. This is because whenever he listened to depressing music it only made his mood worse.

 

The teacher arrived and began the lesson. This time he was able to actually pay attention to what the teacher was saying, and being in a good mood was part of the reason for that.

 

It was time for lunch which was also the last period in the school day.  As usual, he moved his chair over to Tsukishima's desk and today, he took his lunch over as well, since there was time to prepare it the night before. His bento was actually very simple-- just some rice, pan fried salmon and some rolls. Compared to Tsukishima's lunch, his own was extremely plain. Tsukishima  gave him some of his food, though, and Yamaguchi thanked him for that.

 

They talked a lot about music today, too. Tsukishima seemed to say more when that was the topic of conversation since he was interested in music. They discussed new releases from their favorite bands, concerts, merchandise, Yamaguchi asked what Tsukishima had been listening to lately, his tastes didn’t change much though.

 

Suddenly, one of their classmates called for the blonde haired boy. "Tsukishima! Somebody wants to see you!"

 

Tsukishima didn't respond; he only stood up to meet said person outside the classroom.

 

Though he didn't exactly mean to, Yamaguchi couldn't help but get up to get good look at the person, and possibly eavesdrop on them a bit.

 

It was a girl, and she seemed like the older, more mature type. Usually girls came to Yamaguchi to ask about Tsukishima but they were always more shy and innocent. Maybe she was a third year, but why would a third year be interested in Tsukishima? 

He didn't get to hear much but saw her slip a tiny white piece of paper out towards Tsukishima, then silently walk away.

 

It seemed suspicious, and at the time, although it was obvious what the paper was, Yamaguchi couldn't make it out.

 

Before his friend could notice, Yamaguchi sprinted back to the other side of the classroom and pretended like he had been waiting for Tsukishima the whole time.

 

         "Tsukki, let's go!" He chimed, attempting to play innocent.

 

         "Alright," Tsukishima said, packing up his things. Yamaguchi did the same, and the two of them began to walk toward the gym.

 

On their way he wanted to ask Tsukishima what the paper was, but he was unable to because that would mean Tsukishima would know that he had been watching the two.

 

As they walked into the gym they greeted everyone, and went on toward the locker rooms.

 

        "Hey Yamaguchi!!! And uh...You too Tsukishima," Hinata greeted them both cheerfully, or maybe just Yamaguchi.

 

         "Hey," the brunette smiled at the shorter boy. Hinata always seemed to be a vitamin to him, and it was nice to be greeted that way, since it's something he can't get at home.

 

Finally, he changed into his gym clothes in the locker rooms. Yamaguchi looked over at Tsukishima as he put on his t-shirt. the taller boy was in the middle of taking off his pants when suddenly, the piece of paper he'd been given before slipped out and landed on the floor.

 

Of course he picked it up because he was a good friend and it could've been important, but he wasn't going to lie--Yamaguchi was dying of curiousity as to what the contents of this piece of paper were.

 

After picking it up, he got a good look at it and of course, it was a phone number. No way. A girl gave Tsukki her number...and he kept it?

 

          "Ahh,Tsukki, you dropped this," he said, then handed it back to Tsukishima.

 

          "Thanks," his friend responded, he shoved it in his locker and put on his sports glasses.

 

After finally getting changed they both headed out to practice.

 

Yamaguchi was a lot better than yesterday, but he was unable to focus a couple times and almost got hit by the ball.

 

He was able to practice his serve a lot, though, getting some compliments from his upperclassmen.

 

* * *

 

 

          "You okay, Yamaguchi-kun?" Asked the team’s manager, a small blonde girl, as she handed him a towel.

 

           "Yeah, kinda? Yachi-chan, can I ask you a question?" He wore a concerned look  as he reached for the towel.

 

           "Sure, anytime," the girl smiled.

 

           "So, today a third year gave Tsukishima her number and he actually kept it. Do you think this is anything serious?"

 

           "That's weird for a guy like Tsukishima-kun. Maybe she's tutoring him?" Yachi was flustered as well, she didn't know much about Tsukishima but according to Yamaguchi, he's never accepted a girl's confession before.

 

           "I mean you can't rule that out, but I honestly doubt it," It wasn't illogical but Yamaguchi knew his friend would never request tutoring services; he's always been that way. Even in Junior high Tsukishima rarely asked his older brother for any help, and seemed to always want to figure it out on his own.

 

          "There's always the possibility...that maybe he's interested? Actually...maybe you should ask Kiyoko-senpai, since she is a third year after all."

 

Yamaguchi figured that wasn't a bad idea. She might know who the girl is.luckily, Kiyoko had been walking his direction, so he made sure to take advantage of that.

 

        "Um, excuse me, Kiyoko-senpai," he said.

 

        She looked at him. "What is it, Yamaguchi-kun?"

 

       "Do you by chance know any third year girls interested in Tsukki?"

 

       The manager smiled at him, "there's a few here and there, you'll have to be more specific."

 

        "Ah...she's got curly-ish light brown hair and um, she's a bit busty...and has big eyes..."

 

        "Oh," The third year laughed. "I know her. We aren't close, but that's Nakano Misumi, I believe. Yeah...I can tell she likes Tsukishima-kun. Why, did you meet her?"

 

        "Something like that… Anyways, thank you, Kiyoko-senpai."

 

She gave him a nod, and Yamaguchi went to help the others with cleaning up.

 

After they were done he headed  to the locker room to change, still wondering about the girl, but managing to snap out of it in the end as he said goodbye to the rest of the team.

 

* * *

 

 

As the two of them walked home he was still thinking a lot about that girl. Honestly, he shouldn't care so much because it really had nothing to do with him, but for some reason Yamaguchi couldn't help it.

 

      "That paper,” Yamaguchi said out loud, murmuring quietly under his breath.

      

      "What?" Tsukishima asked.

 

       "Nothing, Tsukki..."

 

       Tsukishima shifted his bag for a moment, “Remember to get some sleep,” he said, staring at the brunet, but the boy didn’t respond. "Bye then," Said the taller blonde.

 

       "Ah, bye Tsukki, see you on Sunday then," Yamaguchi responded, only now realizing that they had reached their corners.

 

      "Actually, about that. Something came up so we can't hang out Sunday. Sorry."

 

As Tsukishima said that, Yamaguchi's mood became even worse. He knew he had to accept it, but it was hard, considering that Sunday meant he'd have to stay home with his dad because he had no work that day, and the old man would only get drunk and it would be terrible.

 

     "That's fine. Bye then, Tsukki," he said, snapping out of his thoughts and ending with a smile.

 

Tsukishima only pulled on his headphones and walked off, leaving Yamaguchi there, alone once again, and the boy could only watch as his friend walked away, just like that.

 

    

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys don't mind, leave a comment to let me know if you're actually interested in this at all?


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